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‘Limp Winky’ Walter Palmer: Wanker of the Week

‘Limp Winky’ Walter Palmer: Wanker of the Week

By now, most of us have heard of Walter Palmer, which is impressive for a dentist from small town Minnesota. Unfortunately, for him, the only reason we’ve heard of him is because, frankly, the guy is a complete wanker.

I’m going to put this out there from the outset; I abhor ‘big game hunting’. You can call me a hypocrite if you like since I do love tucking into a juicy steak, but I see a difference between killing an animal for food, and killing a member of a vulnerable species simply because most other people won’t ever kill one. And that is the only reason Cecil the Lion met his end at the hands (or rather bow and arrow, and later gun) of this vile individual – because Walter wanted to be different, presumably because he equated this difference with being “manlier”.

Except he’s not manlier, is he? You see, Walter, what you’ve accomplished is basically what the Detroit Red Wings accomplished in that South Park episode where they annihilated the South Park Pee-Wee hockey team. Cecil didn’t even know he was being hunted. You lured him to an area where you lay in wait to attack him. These are excellent tactics in guerilla warfare, but this isn’t a guerilla war, is it?

Walter even claimed to have practised this pseudo-sport responsibly. I call bullshit. The responsible thing to do is to leave the lions alone. Their population has dwindled over the past century, as they become another species in danger of falling victim to the ongoing Holocene Extinction Event. Is that why you did it, Walter? In case all the other self-entitled bastards out there beat you to it?

There really is no excuse for what Walter Palmer has done, and no amount of phoney apologies made because he’s upset at being found out will make up for it. Your actions will likely cause the deaths of all of Cecil’s cubs. A responsible human being would have understood this, and would probably think to themselves that it isn’t worth killing a lion for no other reason than some weird fetish you have for seeing things dead. I can only imagine the reason it took you forty hours to finish the poor lion off is because you had to stop and have a wank every couple of hours while reminiscing over your past “accomplishments”.

But what I think elevates Walter Palmer to a very special level of wankerism is the amount of dirty laundry that is now being aired about him. He’s killed animals he shouldn’t have killed before, thus damaging his claim to have been unaware that the hunt was illegal, and it turns out he also has a history of sexual harassment. Honestly, Walter, you’re clearly a man with power issues, and quite possibly a sociopath.

Do the world a favour, crawl under a rock and stay there.


  1. Christian

    I was laughing between my tears – the man, scratch that, person is scum and yes, he should crawl beneath a rock then I’d like to stand on it. Rot it hell Walter Palmer – this world does not need you or your ilk.

    • C. John Archer

      Indeed, Christian. The world definitely does not need the likes of him. Thanks for the comment.


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